The Refusal of Athiesm

Carrying a bible in my purse and not believing it. Wanting to believe but not being able to. Its like something....or someone.... is blocking my ability to believe what I want to believe. I've seen visions and demons,angels and ghosts. I don't believe what I've seen anymore. I cannot.... I will not live life merely believing that there is nothing past that. I must believe. I must train. I must read the bible until I cannot read it any longer... I must meditate. But most importantly I must pray. Praying to a God you aren't sure exists... seeing your power but not believing that it was you which did what you commanded to happen. Frustration. Denial. Irritation. These are things which I face constantly. Oh Lord if you care help me believe. I will believe. I have to..... I need to. I've gotten through this before I'll do it again. Until next time,-The Warrior of Faiths