Letter From One Betrayed By All

CAUTION: Extremely foul language!
You jackass, you inconsiderate, violating, jerk. I wish you would drop off the face of the earth. You promise me you will be good, you promise me I can trust you. And yet, I keep a close eye on you, but I cannot keep a close enough eye on you and during the moment I look away, you violate every last bit of trust that inhabits my body. You have ruined my mental state and I will ruin yours. You violate a woman's religious beliefs by making her feel bad for believing so and pressure her into giving into your conniving, thieving ways. You have robbed my last friend-now former friend of her innocense. I dispise your very existance. You have robbed one of the few remaining women to follow a dying tradition to be one less leaving me the only remaining in my circle to do so. I hope you rot in hell you low life of a boy. You do not deserve the mere sustinence you have been given. You make me wish I had done more. But how could I have known you were such a misguided asshole. Go die you prick.

Update

So its been quite a while since I've been on, but I've decided to switch this to a general diary. Some good things, and some bad things have happened. Things are going very well with my on and off boyfriend of a year, and I am visiting him for Christmas. Unfortunately I have a stalker, and he won't go away. I have many projects coming up in school, and I am now looking at the possibility of juggling a restraining order filing in addition to school problems. I had a pretty close friend online who has blocked me on our only avenue of contact for some unknown reason. I am very upset about these things and normally I'd vent to my wonderful boyfriend however the poor guy just started a new job and is exhausted so went to bed early, which means my normal avenue of venting is gone. All in all I'm exhausted. I've also been having to ration my depression mediation until I can find a regular Psychiatrist which is proving very very difficult. Right now I just want to break down, but I know I have to push through this. Now if only my dad would actually take me to church....

The Psych Ward and Group therapy

I remember just sitting there, group therapy,holding my knees, head down, not looking at anyone. They would ask me why are you here? I'd simply respond "I was suicidal." "Why were you suicidal?", they would ask. I'd just respond, " I found no point in life." I knew they didn't particularly care. I was just another patient, just another suicidal wreck there that didn't want to be there. Yes, I had come willingly, but just barely so. Another day or two and I would have been forcefully dragged in. I was put on the main ward, for those non violent. I should've been put in another ward because I had thrown fits. They had a police officer making sure I didn't change my mind and leave, though legally they couldn't have stopped me. I felt no joy in life,no point in living when I was borderline athiest. I felt that if there was nothing out there,why bother going through life miserable and depressed when nothing else but this life existed. I had wanted to die for months. Sitting in my room, night after night,crying myself to sleep, hugging my knees and rocking. The true picture of mental illness, though if you knew me times other than then you would never have known how severe it was, nor how badly I wanted to die. My friends did not know, they had no clue that on Christmas eve night I sat with a knife in my hand, ready to turn it on myself at any moment, somehow getting through and surviving until late January when my boyfriend finally convinced me that it was time to get the help I so dreaded of recieving. This is my story. This is my life. Depressed, suicidal, miserable. How I recovered from that I am not quite sure. But this is me.

Pictures

Some new pictures I found that I loved and wanted to share with all of my Wiccan friends. I love my new faith.

My Confession

I know its been a while since I've posted, but school keeps me rediculously busy. So heres the update with me. My parents are trying to convert me along with 2 or 3 of my close friends. I've hidden a relationship from my friends for months because my love and I broke up for a single day and got back together. I feel terrible but I didn't want to seem like an idiot. To my friends who are reading: I'm sorry, please forgive me and whatever you do please don't confront me about this, trust me I feel terrible enough as is. I'm eating ramen noodles for a month because I need to save money due to a new computer I got so if I seem paler, I'm probably slightly malnurished. I love my friends and never ment to hurt any of you. Forgive me please. I'm probably failing some classes and I'm rather depressed about it. In fact everything piling up has made me depressed and right now Sam is the only one making me happy. So to everyone: this is my confession, I'm sorry.

The Persecution of a Witch

Today my father found out I am Pagan. Today, today I was persecuted for something I believe is right. The persecution of anyone is wrong. Why do we then persecute that with which we are not familiar? Is a pear not unfamiliar before we first try it? Yet why is it that we do not spurn the pear, yet we spurn the witch? Surely this cannot make sense. Pitty as it were. If only....if only I were accepted for myself. I sent my father a long, thought out reason as to why I should be able to practice my religion as I wish and he refuses to answer it. I am close to requesting specifically that my request is answered post haste. He said that I need to hide my religion because I am an embarrassment to him. I refuse to go back in the broom closet. I love my religion and I'm proud of it. Raising a Pagan child/adult is apparently severely frowned upon. If only he would accept me as I am. Anyone have any comments? ......Anyone?
-The Rejected and Dejected